Mother Enmeshed Men: Why Are Some Men Unable To Live Their Own Life?

As a result of the fact that a man is an individual, it will mean that he will be on this planet to live his own life. For this to take place, he will need to be in touch with his true self – his feelings, needs, and preferences – and feel comfortable enough to express these parts of himself.


If he is this way, he will be able to both create and live a life that is in alignment with who he is. Thanks to this, he will live a meaningful life and this will allow him to experience a deep sense of fulfilment.

Embracing Life

Thus, he will have been born to live his own life and he will be living his own life. This may mean that he is in a relationship or is even married, or it may mean that this is something that he is looking to experience in the future.

As for his professional life, he could do something that is incredibly rewarding on many different levels. Then again, he could be close to achieving this aim, with this being a stage of his life when he is building something up or studying.

The Ideal

For some men, this will be something that they can relate it, and this could be how their life has been for as long as they can remember. For other men, this won’t be something that they can relate to, and this could also be how their life has been for as long as they can remember.

When a man can’t relate to this experience, it will be as if he on this earth to please his mother and to do what she wants. Therefore, he won’t feel like an individual, he will feel like an extension of his mother.

Two Parts

At a physical level, then, he will be separate from his mother, but at an emotional level, he won’t be. This will stop him from feeling as though he is free to express who he really is and to live his own life.

He will have the ability to behave however he wants to behave and to go just about wherever he wants to go, but this won’t matter. He could feel like he is in a prison that can’t be seen.

Emotionally Experience

Consequently, he is rarely, if ever, going to feel powerful, centred, and happy. He won’t be physically connected to his mother, but, due to how much control she has over how he feels and how he behaves, it can be as if he is a puppet and she is pulling his strings.

It won’t matter if he is in her company or a few hundred miles away, as she is likely to be in control of his inner and outer world. A lot of his life is going to be spent doing things for her and making sure that she is OK.


His true self is rarely going to see the light of day and this is going to cause him to experience a lot of pain. He might seldom acknowledge how he feels, though, preferring to suppress any pain that arises.

He could often create the impression that everything is fine and other people could generally see him as helpful, easy-going and happy. But, underneath the mask that he often wears will be someone who is deeply frustrated, depressed and fed up with his miserable existence.

Inner Conflict

The trouble is that if he merely thinks about changing his behaviour and living his own life, without even taking the next step, he could soon end up feeling ashamed, guilty, be filled with doubt and experience fear and anxiety. He will be here to live his own life and yet, for some reason, this will be seen as something that is wrong, bad and unsafe.

He could often think about changing his job or doing what he actually wants to for a living and he could think about being in a relationship, for instance, but this could be about as far as it will go. The pull to do whatever his mother wants and for her to be his priority in life will be so strong that most of his needs will have to be overlooked.

What is going on?

To make matters worse, his mother, and even some siblings and other family members, could also expect him to behave in this way. In her eyes, he will be doing the right thing by being there for her and there will be no mention of his own responsibility to live his own life.

So, why would a man feel so responsible for his mother that he is unable to live his own life? What should feel comfortable is living his own life and being there for his mother from time to time, as opposed to neglecting himself and her being his primary focus.

Back In Time

What this is likely to show is that his early development didn’t go as is was supposed to go and this stopped him from being able to emotionally separate from his mother. So, instead of his mother seeing him as an individual and giving him what he needed to be able to go through each developmental stage, she would have probably seen him as an extension of herself and used him to fulfil her own adult and unmet childhood needs.

A key part of this stage of his life would have been when he was about three years of age and wanted to express himself. For this to go well and for him to start the individuation process, something that would have been encouraged by his aggression/fight instinct, he would have needed his mothers and father’s support.

Held Back

Most likely, his mother would have shown disapproval or punished him for expressing himself and his father wouldn’t have been there to support this important developmental stage. Expressing himself – or activating himself – would have been seen as something that was bad and he may have ended up completely losing touch with his aggression/fight instinct in the process.

Losing touch with this part of his being would have caused him to become estranged from the part of him that would gradually push him out of his mother’s world and no longer be emotionally enmeshed to her. And, if his father wasn’t around, he would have had absolutely no chance of cutting the emotional cord and slowly becoming an individual.

An Analogy

It was like he was in the sea and unable to get to dry land. He needed support from the sea (the feminine) and the wind (the masculine) to push him to the shore, so that he could find his feet and start to live his own life.

As he was most likely used to fulfil his mother’s needs, in addition to not having a strong sense of self and being out of touch with his aggression, he is unlikely to feel support. This is largely why he will be so focused on his mother as his survival, through not having emotionally separated from her, will still be attached to her.


If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

General Ideas

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